My Secret Life
by NeitherHaveIWings2Fly
Summary: Everyone has their secrets, and DG's secret is haunting her. The saddest words are not goodbye...they're if only. DG/Cain Angst


After reading an Office story, I was kinda drawn to the idea of PostSecret

**After reading ****The Secrets We Keep****, an Office fanfic, I was kinda drawn to the idea of PostSecret. If you haven't heard of it, look it up, it's incredible. This is my PostSecret…a kind of catharsis if you will. It really is easier to tell a secret to strangers than to the people it would matter most to. So here it is…My Secret Life. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tin Man, PostSecret, or anything else I may/may not directly reference. **

My Secret Life

I have a secret.

That's no big deal. We all have secrets, right?

Well, mine's kinda a killer, considering the situation I'm in.

You see, I'm in love with a guy. I know, love's great, happy, warm fuzzy feelings. And I'm betrothed. I mean, in a monarchy that's about the best a girl can get with romance.

Here's the kicker folks…I'm not betrothed to the man I love. And nobody knows. Not the betrothed one, not the loved one. Nobody. Just me.

I mean, it started out so simple. Just me and him. After the adventure, he came back to the palace and it just began. We spent so much time together and found out we were exactly alike. We laughed at the same jokes, agreed on the more serious subjects, and really just enjoyed every moment we spent together. We were friends, but in my heart there was this spark that began to kindle over time.

The time was never right though. I'd be seconds away from telling him my feelings and, bam, in walks Az wanting advice or Tutor for lessons. A part of me wondered if maybe it wasn't meant to be, but I still wanted it to be so badly.

Then, it happened. Mother brought me in and sat me down and told me that my hand had been solicited for and that the offer had been accepted. Just like that, my chance was gone and the decision was made.

And maybe I wouldn't say that if he wasn't such a great guy. If I had been engaged to some egotistical, chauvinistic jackass I would have said to forget the whole thing. But Edmund really is a great guy. He's sweet, attentive, caring, and pretty much everything a girl could ask for. I just didn't ask for it.

I should want to marry him. I should be completely content because I could be happy and I could be taken care of and I could spend the rest of my life in a decent relationship. But my heart won't let me forget the love that hides within me.

My head tells me it would never work. He's recovering from the death of his wife and the whole age thing. And maybe one of these days I will start listening to my head.

For now all I hear is my heart wondering what could have been. I don't even care if he'd rejected me, said it couldn't happen. At least then I'd know.

I'll never know what it feels like to have his strong hand hold mine. I'll never know the way his voice would sound like when he says "I love you." I'll never know the heat of his lips on mine. I'll never see his smile and know it's just for me. I'll never be able to just lay by his side and be with the one person I feel at home with.

I'm not sure what scares me more, that I might let him go or that I might not. I'll never forget him, though. Maybe we didn't hit it off at first, but he's such an important part of my life now. Or was. We'll still be friends, I know I can stay friends with him. At least I'll try to, because I don't know if I could survive without him. I guess I'll have to take what I can get.

That's my story, I guess. This is the first and last place it will be told. I wish it could have a happy ending, but for now it doesn't. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. I have to deal with that.

Time will pass and I'll keep on living with a secret I can't tell.

My secret.

Wyatt Cain.

_**The saddest words are not goodbye…they're if only.**_

**This isn't totally autobiographical, I'm not engaged, I just put it in the context of DG and what I think would happen in her life as a princess. **

**Don't wait to say what needs to be said to those you care about the most. When that chance is taken away from you, it's absolutely heartbreaking. **


End file.
